This is a song I just became aware of and consider very thought provoking.
I love hearing a song that makes me think of the truth of God's Word.
You can click on my sidebar to the right and top and listen to Selah sing it.
It makes me want to praise God with my whole heart when I hear it.
Jesus will always be the very best thing that ever happened in my life.
I hope I never forget how He took me from darkness and despair to forgiveness and hope.
He turned my life right side up, filled me with joy and showed me the true meaning of life.
Enjoy HIM as you listen to this.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 28, 2007
Memorial Day Meditations
“Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.
— Jim Elliot
This speaks to me of so many things. Of course I want our children who are overseas right now to be "all there". I want them to capture the moments and realize how special they are. When I was in Bible school I remember thinking how special the time was and making a conscious choice to savor every moment. I knew it was a time I would always cherish and I didn't want to waste it on not being "all there". How thankful I am now for those rich days of growing in God's ways. But what about today? Did I live this day--to the hilt? Was I "all there"? Hmmm--a good evening reflection. And what about those times I don't want to be "all there". How about times of loss or conflict? These can also be the will of God.
Today we still have a bit of sickness, so we stayed at home. I made some yummy food (fried chicken and scalloped potatoes) and the girls played in a little kiddie pool. We tried our hand at horseshoes but the rain chased us inside. Aside from David having to change the rotors and brake pads on the car while being sick, the day was relaxing for us all.
Last Sunday, I took the girls to a Mother/Daughter Tea to hear the life story of a Vietnamese woman I have come to know. Her name is Waterlily and she is the first person I have met who escaped from Vietnam during the war. I was in high school during that time and I remember wondering if my older brother was going to be drafted. I knew a girl in my school whose brother died there. It was a hard time for our country but meeting and hearing Waterlily's testimony of escape and God's ultimate rescue of her life has made me so very thankful. Today, we reflect on the many who have died that we can live in freedom. I will always be thankful for those soldiers who have risked their lives to protect us. Today, I pray and thank God for Dustin A. He is a dear friend's son who chose to go back to Iraq because he was needed. I am thankful for his wife who has supported him even though it means she is separated from him and is raising their child. Our country is filled with men and women of courage. Today, I pause to be grateful and thank God for them and for my freedom.
Friday, May 25, 2007
The Ends of the Earth
Having not blogged in such a long time makes me unsure of where to start! It has almost been a year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My dear friend Becky who encouraged me so much died April 19th. What mixed emotions I feel. Becky was an absolute joy to know. Her walk with Christ was one of the most precious I have ever seen. She loved Jesus. I sat with her the day before she died, though I did not know it was that close. She was at home. She told me Jesus was either going to heal her or as she swooched(my word) her hand up in the air , Jesus was going to take her home. He took her home the next evening around 5:00. I miss Becky but I can picture her rejoicing to be with her Jesus whom she trusted like no one I have ever known. That is a legacy worth leaving!!
On another note, I have one child in Haiti and one on the way to Africa! Jess is in a remote area of NW Haiti at a medical mission and hopefully will be able to use her LPN skills, be an encouragement to our missionary friends and their children and be used by the Lord to serve the people. To all her friends, she has arrived there safely and is only sad that she will miss the birth of Kathryn-Matt and Ashley's little one on the way. Josiah is on the way to join a team of young men and women who will be giving Bibles and sharing Christ and their own personal testimonies. I am excited for both of them--and praying. So many people have been instrumental in their being able to go and for that I am so grateful. I have learned so much from those who have invested in the lives of my children. It has given me more understanding of how the body of Christ works and taught me to be open to being used by the Lord.
We have gone to a new Sunday School class the last two weeks. Our teacher is talking about how we are body, soul and spirit. We live in our body. Our soul is our mind, will and emotions. Our spirit is the part of us that is dead because of sin but is made alive when we are saved. Now that is your layman's explanation but I really like this scripture from 1Thessalonians 5:23 where the apostle Paul says,
On a lighter note, I get a few weeks of just having younger children at home!! Of course our oldest is still here on the grounds but he is busy with school and work, so he is not always here. The girls hope to have lots of mommy time and I hope to have lots of little girl time!!
I am also hoping to be able to learn a few more things about blogging, finish classes that were put on hold as we helped older children prepare for their mission trips, find all the books I need to sell for the used curriculum sale coming up in June and enjoy the beautiful outdoors!!
On another note, I have one child in Haiti and one on the way to Africa! Jess is in a remote area of NW Haiti at a medical mission and hopefully will be able to use her LPN skills, be an encouragement to our missionary friends and their children and be used by the Lord to serve the people. To all her friends, she has arrived there safely and is only sad that she will miss the birth of Kathryn-Matt and Ashley's little one on the way. Josiah is on the way to join a team of young men and women who will be giving Bibles and sharing Christ and their own personal testimonies. I am excited for both of them--and praying. So many people have been instrumental in their being able to go and for that I am so grateful. I have learned so much from those who have invested in the lives of my children. It has given me more understanding of how the body of Christ works and taught me to be open to being used by the Lord.
We have gone to a new Sunday School class the last two weeks. Our teacher is talking about how we are body, soul and spirit. We live in our body. Our soul is our mind, will and emotions. Our spirit is the part of us that is dead because of sin but is made alive when we are saved. Now that is your layman's explanation but I really like this scripture from 1Thessalonians 5:23 where the apostle Paul says,
"And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body (italic mine) be preserved blameless until the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."I can see how easy it is to be led by my emotions or my OWN will or by what makes sense in my intellect but God wants me to be led by His Spirit. That takes communication--spending time alone with God and in His Word. When I spend time with the Lord, I am always glad I did. This is what we all did when Jess was interested in going back to Haiti and Josiah was thinking of Africa. We tried to set aside our desires and discern what God's Spirit was saying in these matters.
On a lighter note, I get a few weeks of just having younger children at home!! Of course our oldest is still here on the grounds but he is busy with school and work, so he is not always here. The girls hope to have lots of mommy time and I hope to have lots of little girl time!!
I am also hoping to be able to learn a few more things about blogging, finish classes that were put on hold as we helped older children prepare for their mission trips, find all the books I need to sell for the used curriculum sale coming up in June and enjoy the beautiful outdoors!!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Christmas Back East
Dear Family and Friends,
Joy to you all! I would love to share the most exciting year of my life with you! This year in late May, I had a "God-Stop"! I was surprised to be told I had breast cancer. After the normal, to-be-expected shock wore off, God had my full and complete attention. I learned so many things. Thankfully, I was able to have surgery and they were able to remove the cancer. Our family is grateful.
This Christmas we will go back to NY to visit my family. That was home for my first 23 years. We will even be with my parents at the home that I moved to when I was 7 years old. Even now my mind is filled with precious memories. That is where my ideas on God and family were forged. Those are my "roots". What a priveledge to still have my parents, my siblings and that home. My children have run up and down those same steps that I once did. They play in the same backyard and listen to my musings on my childhood.
Who I am began "back East" in a town on Long Island. Who I have become is because of what happened "back East" in the little town of Bethlehem. Even though I had the perfect childhood, I still was very needy. I just was not good enough for heaven. My good was always trying to outweigh my bad. But the older I got the more the scales were tipped in the wrong direction. I realized my sin made it necessary for me to need a savior. The Bible says that God sent his son Jesus to this world, not to condemn us but that through Him we might be saved. That is the wonder of Christmas. Jesus, who had no sin, took my sin and yours and paid the penalty of sin. His whole life purpose was to free us from our sin and show us the way to God. When I understood what Jesus did, my life changed. It was not overnight! I sometimes wonder what an older follower of Jesus may have thought about me back in those early days of "knowing Christ"! I remember my first Chrismas after really understanding what Christ had done for me. I was sure that others must have noticed how different things were! I always loved the Christmas songs but that year they were packed with meaning--especially the really old ones. Growing up my family would decorate the tree on Christmas Eve and sing songs. I loved that. I can remember all of us singing "O Little Town of Bethlehem" while my mom pin-curled my hair. There was something sacred about that song. "...so God imparts to human hearts the blessings of his heaven..." Now I understood it! The first Christmas gift ever given!! Jesus came to give us life-a new life--what a gift--a chance to do it all over again the way God planned!
Jesus is what makes this a wonderful time of year. Our best or worst memories cannot change the past. But Jesus can change our now and our future. Being convinced of this can make this the best year of your life!!
This is what I have prayed for you:
"More than anything else, O God, I pray that You will prosper my loved ones with an understanding of what You did for them and who You really are. If they can handle some ease and earthly success in the process, so be it. But whatever they do, O God, let them understand the lasting joy of living for Christ. Amen
---------------Here is the life God has for you-----------------------
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16
HAVE THE MOST WONDER-FILLED CHRISTMAS EVER THIS YEAR!! Love, Teresa
Joy to you all! I would love to share the most exciting year of my life with you! This year in late May, I had a "God-Stop"! I was surprised to be told I had breast cancer. After the normal, to-be-expected shock wore off, God had my full and complete attention. I learned so many things. Thankfully, I was able to have surgery and they were able to remove the cancer. Our family is grateful.
This Christmas we will go back to NY to visit my family. That was home for my first 23 years. We will even be with my parents at the home that I moved to when I was 7 years old. Even now my mind is filled with precious memories. That is where my ideas on God and family were forged. Those are my "roots". What a priveledge to still have my parents, my siblings and that home. My children have run up and down those same steps that I once did. They play in the same backyard and listen to my musings on my childhood.
Who I am began "back East" in a town on Long Island. Who I have become is because of what happened "back East" in the little town of Bethlehem. Even though I had the perfect childhood, I still was very needy. I just was not good enough for heaven. My good was always trying to outweigh my bad. But the older I got the more the scales were tipped in the wrong direction. I realized my sin made it necessary for me to need a savior. The Bible says that God sent his son Jesus to this world, not to condemn us but that through Him we might be saved. That is the wonder of Christmas. Jesus, who had no sin, took my sin and yours and paid the penalty of sin. His whole life purpose was to free us from our sin and show us the way to God. When I understood what Jesus did, my life changed. It was not overnight! I sometimes wonder what an older follower of Jesus may have thought about me back in those early days of "knowing Christ"! I remember my first Chrismas after really understanding what Christ had done for me. I was sure that others must have noticed how different things were! I always loved the Christmas songs but that year they were packed with meaning--especially the really old ones. Growing up my family would decorate the tree on Christmas Eve and sing songs. I loved that. I can remember all of us singing "O Little Town of Bethlehem" while my mom pin-curled my hair. There was something sacred about that song. "...so God imparts to human hearts the blessings of his heaven..." Now I understood it! The first Christmas gift ever given!! Jesus came to give us life-a new life--what a gift--a chance to do it all over again the way God planned!
Jesus is what makes this a wonderful time of year. Our best or worst memories cannot change the past. But Jesus can change our now and our future. Being convinced of this can make this the best year of your life!!
This is what I have prayed for you:
"More than anything else, O God, I pray that You will prosper my loved ones with an understanding of what You did for them and who You really are. If they can handle some ease and earthly success in the process, so be it. But whatever they do, O God, let them understand the lasting joy of living for Christ. Amen
---------------Here is the life God has for you-----------------------
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16
HAVE THE MOST WONDER-FILLED CHRISTMAS EVER THIS YEAR!! Love, Teresa
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Laptop Information Retrieved!
Wow, it's been about 3 months since I last blogged. My laptop crashed and I had no idea how to get to this spot. I had it saved on Favorites. I tried to reboot this evening and on the second try it stayed booted long enough for me to retrieve my "Favorites" list!
So much has happened since late August. Let me see if you can relate to this. You are thinking of buying a car and there is a certain kind you like. You start checking prices and looking around. Now you are "tuned in" to this adventure. You never realized how many there were right in your town! It happens with lots of things that have your focused attention. That is how it has been with breast cancer. It seems as though it has become an epidemic--and just since I was diagnosed!!
I am so thankful to know Christ. I don't say that casually. Just last week a friend told me about a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer. She does not know Christ, so she just got drunk to not have to deal with this shock. I know one part of how she feels. Sticking my fingers in my ears and saying,"Lalala" is better known as "denial"!!! We both experienced that. But how I wish I could tell her it is okay; God can carry you through. Oh how I wish she knew Him before this shock came. Then there are many others I have been told about. Even my friend who helped me so much when I was diagnosed. She had already had breast cancer twice. Her calm demeanor and wise counsel was a huge help to me. It has now returned in her chest and she is receiving chemo. What do we do with these things without Christ? Oh how sweet to trust in Jesus!!
Well after lots of research and much prayer, we decided to not go with the oral chemo drugs or the chemotheraphy. I am not against these measures. My cancer did not appear to have spread to the lymph nodes. I also have had PET scan and CT scan that does not pick any up. I am staying with visits with my chemo oncologist for checkups. We have a peace about not going the chemo route. I do not feel like my way is the only way to go. That would be foolish. Each person's story is different. Each has to be convinced in their own heart. We researched for hours upon hours and I tried to keep it balanced with being in the Word of God and prayer. Sometimes the study outweighed the Word and prayer. I would feel the effects of that. Soloman said, "Much study is a weariness of the flesh" Ecclesiates 12:12b. Amen Solomen!!
I also have loving family members in the medical field that researched for me. My brother, a pharmicist, researched Tamoxifen and my sister, a nurse at a cancer research hospital, had all my reports studied at their breast center. I was so pleased that my doctors gave the same recommendations as this prestigious cancer hospital. I am ever so grateful for their love and care for me. I battled with not going the chemo route strongly because of their expertise and my vunerable state. In the end, with fervent prayer, I just could not find the peace of God in going that direction.
We have done a little studying into glyconutrients. We researched many alternative methods but felt inclined towards glyconutrients. It would be hard for me to explain here what we learned. It would be best to try to study it yourself. A short explanation would be that they are carbohydrates that are essential to having a healthy immune system. If your body is not receiving these needful carbohydrates from the food you eat, then your body will have a tough time trying to fight invaders. For me that has been most of my life. I seem to get sick easily and stay sick longer than others. So I am taking glyconutrients and lots of other vitamins too.
In October I was able to have surgery for the final implant. I have a wonderful plastic surgeon who does beautiful work. She is an artist. I thank God for her. I still have to wait till early December before I can resume any kind of exercise for upper body. It has been 6 months since I have been to Curves or done any workout. I do not like that!! So I am really looking forward to gettting back into it!
Home life has been wonderful. All my kids still live at home (or on the grounds!). I love that! Every time we sit down to eat dinner and everyone is home, I feel blessed. It excites me to see each one of them. I know this is not forever, but I want to relish it while I have it. Some day I want to sit in my rocker and remember all these good times. Actually the way my memory is these days, I may just have "warm fuzzies" about these years!! Only kidding!! The memories are too precious to forget!
That's all for now. I may start fresh at this point. This was a journey I did not expect. I would not have chosen it. But God did and I always like to walk with Him. It confirmed to me that He is all I thought Him to be. He can be trusted. My trial was hard as I walked through it. In hindsight, it was not that big. Someday, we may call it a bump in the road (an expensive one!!). I also realize bigger ones can be ahead. My desire was to document this season with hopes that my loved ones will see a powerful God and a God who can always be trusted. To Him be glory!
So much has happened since late August. Let me see if you can relate to this. You are thinking of buying a car and there is a certain kind you like. You start checking prices and looking around. Now you are "tuned in" to this adventure. You never realized how many there were right in your town! It happens with lots of things that have your focused attention. That is how it has been with breast cancer. It seems as though it has become an epidemic--and just since I was diagnosed!!
I am so thankful to know Christ. I don't say that casually. Just last week a friend told me about a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer. She does not know Christ, so she just got drunk to not have to deal with this shock. I know one part of how she feels. Sticking my fingers in my ears and saying,"Lalala" is better known as "denial"!!! We both experienced that. But how I wish I could tell her it is okay; God can carry you through. Oh how I wish she knew Him before this shock came. Then there are many others I have been told about. Even my friend who helped me so much when I was diagnosed. She had already had breast cancer twice. Her calm demeanor and wise counsel was a huge help to me. It has now returned in her chest and she is receiving chemo. What do we do with these things without Christ? Oh how sweet to trust in Jesus!!
Well after lots of research and much prayer, we decided to not go with the oral chemo drugs or the chemotheraphy. I am not against these measures. My cancer did not appear to have spread to the lymph nodes. I also have had PET scan and CT scan that does not pick any up. I am staying with visits with my chemo oncologist for checkups. We have a peace about not going the chemo route. I do not feel like my way is the only way to go. That would be foolish. Each person's story is different. Each has to be convinced in their own heart. We researched for hours upon hours and I tried to keep it balanced with being in the Word of God and prayer. Sometimes the study outweighed the Word and prayer. I would feel the effects of that. Soloman said, "Much study is a weariness of the flesh" Ecclesiates 12:12b. Amen Solomen!!
I also have loving family members in the medical field that researched for me. My brother, a pharmicist, researched Tamoxifen and my sister, a nurse at a cancer research hospital, had all my reports studied at their breast center. I was so pleased that my doctors gave the same recommendations as this prestigious cancer hospital. I am ever so grateful for their love and care for me. I battled with not going the chemo route strongly because of their expertise and my vunerable state. In the end, with fervent prayer, I just could not find the peace of God in going that direction.
We have done a little studying into glyconutrients. We researched many alternative methods but felt inclined towards glyconutrients. It would be hard for me to explain here what we learned. It would be best to try to study it yourself. A short explanation would be that they are carbohydrates that are essential to having a healthy immune system. If your body is not receiving these needful carbohydrates from the food you eat, then your body will have a tough time trying to fight invaders. For me that has been most of my life. I seem to get sick easily and stay sick longer than others. So I am taking glyconutrients and lots of other vitamins too.
In October I was able to have surgery for the final implant. I have a wonderful plastic surgeon who does beautiful work. She is an artist. I thank God for her. I still have to wait till early December before I can resume any kind of exercise for upper body. It has been 6 months since I have been to Curves or done any workout. I do not like that!! So I am really looking forward to gettting back into it!
Home life has been wonderful. All my kids still live at home (or on the grounds!). I love that! Every time we sit down to eat dinner and everyone is home, I feel blessed. It excites me to see each one of them. I know this is not forever, but I want to relish it while I have it. Some day I want to sit in my rocker and remember all these good times. Actually the way my memory is these days, I may just have "warm fuzzies" about these years!! Only kidding!! The memories are too precious to forget!
That's all for now. I may start fresh at this point. This was a journey I did not expect. I would not have chosen it. But God did and I always like to walk with Him. It confirmed to me that He is all I thought Him to be. He can be trusted. My trial was hard as I walked through it. In hindsight, it was not that big. Someday, we may call it a bump in the road (an expensive one!!). I also realize bigger ones can be ahead. My desire was to document this season with hopes that my loved ones will see a powerful God and a God who can always be trusted. To Him be glory!
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Almost Three Weeks After Surgery
Tomorrow will make the 3 week mark after surgery. The doctors said it would be 2-3 weeks recouperation time. I knew my body well enough to know I would be in the 3 week group but you can't help but want it to be less! I have been extremely pampered by my family. They have shown me Jesus.
I am grateful for summertime, sunshine, my flowers outside, for good meals, all my cards and the pretty flowers I received.
I am grateful for pain medication and sleep, for my dear sweet little girls who have managed to keep house very well.
I have a grateful heart for cell phones, cordless phones and answering machines!
I am grateful for a recliner to rest in during a restless night and for my husband to sleep next to (expecially when having a nightmare one night!)
I am grateful for being able to pray for others and getting my eyes off myself, for laptops and access to university medical journals to research my next step. I am grateful for all the dear friends who have sent us things about nutrionals, and for God's Holy Word that help keep all the researching in balance.
I am grateful for all my family and friends and all they have done for me. If I were to write all the many things they have done, I would be afraid my brain would forget something because there has been so much!!
I am learning not to waste my tests! My God is in control of all. I can trust Him with my life. I can hardly believe it was 30 years ago in June that God changed my life around. I had been on a search for truth and looked for all different things to fill the emptiness that was in my soul. I didn't understand what I was looking for. I started reading the Bible and as a Christian artist of long ago sang, "I Met Joy By Surprise". Even reading the Bible came about in a strange way. Some friends (Coleen and Jane) and I rented a house from a Jewish woman. Coleen and her boyfriend Bob and I used to have lots of conversations about God and what was truth. I don't think we knew what we were talking about! Somewhere along the way another friend started asking me some questions and directed me to read John 3. I'm not sure how I found a Bible in that Jewish woman's house but I did. I read John 3 and wondered along with Nicodemus how a person could be born a second time? I told the Lord that night, I wasn't sure what that was and something to the effect of wanting whatever it was. I really don't remember exactly because I didn't look at this as a pivotal part of my life. But God knew my heart better than I did and He started to reveal Himself to me as I read the Bible. The verse I call my life verse is from Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." I remember that verse often, but it has come back to me now with a special fondness. God is in control of my life and always has been. So now, thirty years after finding that verse, I find God placed it in my heart for a special reason. He is telling me even now that He will continue the good work He began. I am amazed as I think of how He knows the tests that we will walk through and prepares us for them. I don't want to waste this test; this trial that has come to me. I wonder if those of you who read this blog have placed your faith in Christ? Perhaps my trial can become a springboard for you to ask yourself some questions. Do you wonder as I did about God? It's not just when you hear the word "Cancer" that you should stop and consider what this life is all about. We will not live forever but we often live as though we will. It has made me stop and think. May each of you know the love of God which is found only in Jesus Christ our Savior.
My prayers this week are that I will know the direction I am to take. I do not meet with the oncologist until August 11th. I have an idea already of what he will say. My sister who is a nurse and has given all my reports to the breast center at her hospital says they recommend 5 years of Tamoxifen and borderline for chemo. I have been researching Tamoxifen through medical journals and talking to women who have had breast cancer. I am researching nutritionals and how that fits into this picture. I am asking God to direct my path and committing it all to Him. God is my Creator and He knows what makes my body function. As I research I pray that God would reveal to me what I need to know and to help me understand what are His "secret things" that I may learn what He wants to show me and trust in the shadow of his wings for what belongs only to Him.
"The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law. Deuteronomy 29:29
I am grateful for summertime, sunshine, my flowers outside, for good meals, all my cards and the pretty flowers I received.
I am grateful for pain medication and sleep, for my dear sweet little girls who have managed to keep house very well.
I have a grateful heart for cell phones, cordless phones and answering machines!
I am grateful for a recliner to rest in during a restless night and for my husband to sleep next to (expecially when having a nightmare one night!)
I am grateful for being able to pray for others and getting my eyes off myself, for laptops and access to university medical journals to research my next step. I am grateful for all the dear friends who have sent us things about nutrionals, and for God's Holy Word that help keep all the researching in balance.
I am grateful for all my family and friends and all they have done for me. If I were to write all the many things they have done, I would be afraid my brain would forget something because there has been so much!!
I am learning not to waste my tests! My God is in control of all. I can trust Him with my life. I can hardly believe it was 30 years ago in June that God changed my life around. I had been on a search for truth and looked for all different things to fill the emptiness that was in my soul. I didn't understand what I was looking for. I started reading the Bible and as a Christian artist of long ago sang, "I Met Joy By Surprise". Even reading the Bible came about in a strange way. Some friends (Coleen and Jane) and I rented a house from a Jewish woman. Coleen and her boyfriend Bob and I used to have lots of conversations about God and what was truth. I don't think we knew what we were talking about! Somewhere along the way another friend started asking me some questions and directed me to read John 3. I'm not sure how I found a Bible in that Jewish woman's house but I did. I read John 3 and wondered along with Nicodemus how a person could be born a second time? I told the Lord that night, I wasn't sure what that was and something to the effect of wanting whatever it was. I really don't remember exactly because I didn't look at this as a pivotal part of my life. But God knew my heart better than I did and He started to reveal Himself to me as I read the Bible. The verse I call my life verse is from Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." I remember that verse often, but it has come back to me now with a special fondness. God is in control of my life and always has been. So now, thirty years after finding that verse, I find God placed it in my heart for a special reason. He is telling me even now that He will continue the good work He began. I am amazed as I think of how He knows the tests that we will walk through and prepares us for them. I don't want to waste this test; this trial that has come to me. I wonder if those of you who read this blog have placed your faith in Christ? Perhaps my trial can become a springboard for you to ask yourself some questions. Do you wonder as I did about God? It's not just when you hear the word "Cancer" that you should stop and consider what this life is all about. We will not live forever but we often live as though we will. It has made me stop and think. May each of you know the love of God which is found only in Jesus Christ our Savior.
My prayers this week are that I will know the direction I am to take. I do not meet with the oncologist until August 11th. I have an idea already of what he will say. My sister who is a nurse and has given all my reports to the breast center at her hospital says they recommend 5 years of Tamoxifen and borderline for chemo. I have been researching Tamoxifen through medical journals and talking to women who have had breast cancer. I am researching nutritionals and how that fits into this picture. I am asking God to direct my path and committing it all to Him. God is my Creator and He knows what makes my body function. As I research I pray that God would reveal to me what I need to know and to help me understand what are His "secret things" that I may learn what He wants to show me and trust in the shadow of his wings for what belongs only to Him.
"The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law. Deuteronomy 29:29
Thursday, July 20, 2006
When You Care Enough To Send The Very Best
Once my family and friends knew what we were going through, the cards started coming. David has always teased that my mom must have stock in the Hallmark company for all the cards we get. We have never been big card givers ourselves and often felt bad that we had not sent cards to loved ones for their birthdays. Now we were learning something new. We had never had such a life altering crisis in our lives. Cards became a vehicle that God used to shower His love through others on us. We looked forward to "mail time". Did you know you can even send more than one card to a person??! People did! They did it to remind me that they were still praying, still caring, still with us in crisis. How precious! I hope I can remember this wonderful expression of love and give it to others. We are never to old to learn!
Our annual Sunday School Father's Day weekend was upon us. My husband and children did all the packing and organizing as I was a bit distracted. We decided to try to have a "normal" Friday evening and Saturday with our class and not tell them till Sunday. We wanted the kids to have a good time and some time to ourselves to think and pray. The word had not spread to this dear group of friends yet and we were thankful. I loved Friday night. Suzanne and Christy, two moms from our class, came to our campsite. They don't know how God used them. They have younger children than most of mine and were talking about problems with children. You know the kind; ones that pop up and you have to deal with it. You are not sure how and sometimes bouncing it off other moms can help with answers but also just bring relief to talk about it. It was so "normal". Normal felt good. I emersed myself in conversation as we discussed and laughed about things. Every once in a while, I'd shudder as I thought how "unnormal" my life had recently become. But mostly, I laughed and listened and had a wonderful time. So wonderful in fact that when I was serving a fruit coctail for dessert, my appetite returned. Not full force, but I realized I was sitting and eating the salad!! Laughter is a good medicine, so is taking your eyes off of self!
We shared our news with our SS teachers first and they thought it was interesting that our topic that morning was on the storms of life taken from Mark 4. It was a "God thing". People shared their storms and our teacher shared mine for us. Our class surrounded me and prayed for us. They have blessed us with prayer, encouragement , cards, food and care. (A week later our teacher's mom in Wisconsin sent me a letter with an encouragement and scripture that confirmed God's direction we felt He had just given to us that particular day.)
A few days after our Bible study on Mark 4, Mrs. Smith called. I have known Mrs. Smith most of my life. Our families grew up together. Her daughter and I had been best friends growing up. God has used Mrs. Smith in my life before in some very special ways. We talked and she shared a Bible study she and my mom had gone to that week. It was on...Mark 4. Maybe I'm a little slow on the uptake, so God gives it to me twice!! It had my attention, so I started reading this portion of Scripture. Did you know in verse 36 that there were other little boats that went out when the disciples set out. They were in the storm too! I had never seen that before. Our attention is drawn in the story to the disciples and this one particular boat. But there were other boats having a crisis too. I thought about my husband, my children, my extended family and friends. This storm was affecting them too! It was good perspective for me. When Jesus said, "Peace, be still", they also received the benefit of His mighty power! God was at work in many more people's lives than just mine--oh to have an eternal perspective on this earthly life.
We decided to go with the masectomy. But how would we know then if God had chosen to heal me? They would not be looking for the tumor. We had prayer again at church with just our pastor and deacons. Then we requested another ultrasound to discover what God had intended to do in this situation. Okay, I told you we'd talk about Tina. Do you have a friend that God has put in your life that is special. Tina is like this. We have known each other for years through homeschooling. We don't attend the same church but we have the same God! Our families just click. David and Randy get along well. Our daughter Jess and their daughter are best friends. Their oldest son works for my husband as an electrician. Tina is like a sister to me. She has been there for us in lots of health crisis'. I have 4 wonderful sisters but I live so far from them that it is not practical for them to be here or me to be there. Tina has known me like a sister. She has seen me looking my worst and rambling on when coming out of surgery. She has just "been there". She came with me for the recheck ultrsound which turned into a mamogram instead. In the waiting room she and I were sharing scriptures and had a Bible opened. An older woman came in for her appointment to be rechecked for some suspicious spots. She came over and started sharing all these wonderful times that God had miraculously healed her mother and then her. Even though she had great healing previously, she was worried about this recheck. Tina and I were grinning. Was God setting something up here? It seemed so strange that this woman would approach us and build such confidence in us as she recalled God's mighty power. But we sensed her concern this time and asked her if we could pray for her. We did and then they called me in. What would you think? I was truly feeling trust at this point. I thought I was and it was confirmed to me as the doctor came in and told me where the titanium marker they had put in during biopsy was in relation to the tumor. It was located right at the edge of the tumor. Yes, the tumor was still there and so was God's wonderful grace. He buffered me. He is my Rock and my Fortress. I find safety and shelter in Him. I felt no sadness, actually I felt no difference. I knew that was grace. I was going to have to go through surgery and whatever was on the other side of that. But I was not moved by it. God had chosen to not "deliver" this time but instead to "take me through". I had peace with God. He is very good. I am my beloved and He is mine. His banner over me is love.
The surgery was scheduled for July 3rd. I was to arrive early at the hospital to have a special dye injected that would "light up" the sentinal node. This is the node that the damaged duct drains to. During surgery they would take the sentinal node and do a biopsy. If that node was clean of cancer, then they would just remove the breast. If it was not clean, more lymph nodes would be taken. They ended up taking 5 lymph nodes but they all came back clear!! How wonderful for my family and friends in the waiting room to hear! The final pathology would take a few more days to confirm this. Praise God!
Our annual Sunday School Father's Day weekend was upon us. My husband and children did all the packing and organizing as I was a bit distracted. We decided to try to have a "normal" Friday evening and Saturday with our class and not tell them till Sunday. We wanted the kids to have a good time and some time to ourselves to think and pray. The word had not spread to this dear group of friends yet and we were thankful. I loved Friday night. Suzanne and Christy, two moms from our class, came to our campsite. They don't know how God used them. They have younger children than most of mine and were talking about problems with children. You know the kind; ones that pop up and you have to deal with it. You are not sure how and sometimes bouncing it off other moms can help with answers but also just bring relief to talk about it. It was so "normal". Normal felt good. I emersed myself in conversation as we discussed and laughed about things. Every once in a while, I'd shudder as I thought how "unnormal" my life had recently become. But mostly, I laughed and listened and had a wonderful time. So wonderful in fact that when I was serving a fruit coctail for dessert, my appetite returned. Not full force, but I realized I was sitting and eating the salad!! Laughter is a good medicine, so is taking your eyes off of self!
We shared our news with our SS teachers first and they thought it was interesting that our topic that morning was on the storms of life taken from Mark 4. It was a "God thing". People shared their storms and our teacher shared mine for us. Our class surrounded me and prayed for us. They have blessed us with prayer, encouragement , cards, food and care. (A week later our teacher's mom in Wisconsin sent me a letter with an encouragement and scripture that confirmed God's direction we felt He had just given to us that particular day.)
A few days after our Bible study on Mark 4, Mrs. Smith called. I have known Mrs. Smith most of my life. Our families grew up together. Her daughter and I had been best friends growing up. God has used Mrs. Smith in my life before in some very special ways. We talked and she shared a Bible study she and my mom had gone to that week. It was on...Mark 4. Maybe I'm a little slow on the uptake, so God gives it to me twice!! It had my attention, so I started reading this portion of Scripture. Did you know in verse 36 that there were other little boats that went out when the disciples set out. They were in the storm too! I had never seen that before. Our attention is drawn in the story to the disciples and this one particular boat. But there were other boats having a crisis too. I thought about my husband, my children, my extended family and friends. This storm was affecting them too! It was good perspective for me. When Jesus said, "Peace, be still", they also received the benefit of His mighty power! God was at work in many more people's lives than just mine--oh to have an eternal perspective on this earthly life.
We decided to go with the masectomy. But how would we know then if God had chosen to heal me? They would not be looking for the tumor. We had prayer again at church with just our pastor and deacons. Then we requested another ultrasound to discover what God had intended to do in this situation. Okay, I told you we'd talk about Tina. Do you have a friend that God has put in your life that is special. Tina is like this. We have known each other for years through homeschooling. We don't attend the same church but we have the same God! Our families just click. David and Randy get along well. Our daughter Jess and their daughter are best friends. Their oldest son works for my husband as an electrician. Tina is like a sister to me. She has been there for us in lots of health crisis'. I have 4 wonderful sisters but I live so far from them that it is not practical for them to be here or me to be there. Tina has known me like a sister. She has seen me looking my worst and rambling on when coming out of surgery. She has just "been there". She came with me for the recheck ultrsound which turned into a mamogram instead. In the waiting room she and I were sharing scriptures and had a Bible opened. An older woman came in for her appointment to be rechecked for some suspicious spots. She came over and started sharing all these wonderful times that God had miraculously healed her mother and then her. Even though she had great healing previously, she was worried about this recheck. Tina and I were grinning. Was God setting something up here? It seemed so strange that this woman would approach us and build such confidence in us as she recalled God's mighty power. But we sensed her concern this time and asked her if we could pray for her. We did and then they called me in. What would you think? I was truly feeling trust at this point. I thought I was and it was confirmed to me as the doctor came in and told me where the titanium marker they had put in during biopsy was in relation to the tumor. It was located right at the edge of the tumor. Yes, the tumor was still there and so was God's wonderful grace. He buffered me. He is my Rock and my Fortress. I find safety and shelter in Him. I felt no sadness, actually I felt no difference. I knew that was grace. I was going to have to go through surgery and whatever was on the other side of that. But I was not moved by it. God had chosen to not "deliver" this time but instead to "take me through". I had peace with God. He is very good. I am my beloved and He is mine. His banner over me is love.
The surgery was scheduled for July 3rd. I was to arrive early at the hospital to have a special dye injected that would "light up" the sentinal node. This is the node that the damaged duct drains to. During surgery they would take the sentinal node and do a biopsy. If that node was clean of cancer, then they would just remove the breast. If it was not clean, more lymph nodes would be taken. They ended up taking 5 lymph nodes but they all came back clear!! How wonderful for my family and friends in the waiting room to hear! The final pathology would take a few more days to confirm this. Praise God!
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